Backward Glances
by awispofamemory
Summary: Christine leaves the safety of her home and husband to pursue a chance with her old love: Erik. Will the Phantom of the Opera accept her? Rated for later chapters.
1. Missing

_The __Phantom of the Opera_

**Title:** Backward Glances

**Chapter:** One "Missing"

* * *

"Isn't there anything I can do, Christine? Can I do nothing to discourage you from this decision?" Christine looked up tat her husband of the past year and a half. He had given her everything she could possibly want. The only thing he couldn't do for her, was fill the hole in her heart, this terrible ache in her very soul. It had started from the moment they had consummated their marriage and lasted till now. She couldn't take it anymore and had finally told Raoul the truth; she was in love with him, but the only person who could heal her soul, and bring music back to her heart, was Erik. She had known this all along but she feared the dark, unpredictable side to Erik. He was her mentor, teacher, friend, and lover, in a way. She had never let anyone but him know the inner working of her heart so in a sense he was her most intimate companion. But that horror hiding inside that burst forth when he murdered to people was a fear of hers that she couldn't shake. Through the feeling of dread and the fear of his temper, she wanted to try and see if her love was strong enough to withstand the rough times she knew she faced. She wanted to know without a shadow of a doubt that he would be the one to fill the missing piece of her heart. She had argued with herself that once again using Erik for her own self-realization was selfish, but the selfishness had won out the noble feelings. Of course what was noble about marrying a man when you loved another in the first place? Raoul's voice pierced her thoughts.

"Christine?"

"I-I'm sorry Raoul but there is no other way. I can't shake this feeling that I'm missing something. I have to try,.." Raoul let out a sigh. At the beginning of this…discussion he was yelling. But now… Now he looked completely defeated. A mad man whom lived in an opera house never usurped a man of his stature, for that she was sure. Christine felt a small amount of humor in thinking she had won some sort of record in the category of strangest choices in men since the dawn of time. Raoul let himself fall onto the setè behind him, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"I know you want to try this but have you considered what would happen if he rejects you? Or f you don't feel this illusive completeness you are looking for? What will you do then?" He raked and shaking hand through his hair. "I can't let you come back. I love you Christine but if you leave, you can't ever return." Christine did not look the least bit surprised or upset by his latest sentiment. His reaction was expected. Raoul was a kind and giving man but even he had a reputation to uphold.

"I have absolutely no intention of returning." Chritine spoke in a bland monotone to disguise that she was stung by his harsh words. They were expected but it made the pain no less. "I will NOT return." With that she left her _ex_-husband there in the living room and ran up the stairs to their room. She stuffed what she could into her trunk, and left things of no importance. Soon she would be with Erik. She would be happy, and for once in her life she would feel complete. She finished loading and went to the front door where the carriage was waiting, waiting to take her to the opera where her Erik was. HER Erik? Where had that come from? When did he go from Phantom of the Opera to Angle of music to HER Erik? Would her even take her back? Would her take one look at her and send her away? She froze, horrified. Could he? Could he push her aside just as she had done to him? Had she hurt him so badly that he would not allow her to stay? That possibility would always be there. After all she had done the same in the first place.

"Oh Lord!" She choked out. What if she was too late? What if he had given up every hope of her return? A thought crossed her mind that made her heart clinch, as she gasped out in pain, "No!"

_What if he never escaped the mob in the first place?_

Tears filled her eyes, threatening to spill over. She wouldn't be able to handle the absolute anguish if he hadn't survived. She would simply die. Life would just have no meaning anymore. It would seize to exist. She wiped her hand over her eyes quickly, not giving into the disturbing thoughts.

She tried to focus on happier things. She tried to focus on questions about her future that weren't bad. She struggled to think of something_, anything_, which would ease the worry consuming her. Her mind wandered to Raoul then though he was half the source of her worry for a while. She went through many of her memories. Recalling the ones that were prominent in her mind. She remembered her wedding day. The pre-marital jitters were intense but so was her happiness. She couldn't think of anything better than a life with her childhood sweetheart. She shuttered to think how delusional she had been. It was terrifying to think that on that fateful night, the night that was supposed to be one of the most important of her life, would be the one to shatter her beautiful fairytale. One night would change everything. It would open her eyes to how she felt, and what she was missing.

That night had started out well enough, well before it came down to the very act the wedding night entailed. She had been overly nervous but he told her it was normal. Christine was beautiful but was surprisingly self-conscious of her self being exposed to anyone let alone a man. When the articles of clothing started to disappear and less was separating them, she became frightened. She doubted her husband would receive her well. Her fears were in vain. He quickly eased her fears with his gentle words and soft touches. He brought her pleasure, that was certain, but something was missing from that glow. Physically it could not have been better but something was not right in her heart, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The troublesome thoughts had continued when they discussed having children. Considering the way Christine felt, she couldn't justify bringing a child into the world with a mother that was so mixed up in her feelings. She wanted to have children with a man she was comfortable with and suddenly Raoul was no longer that man. She did everything short of running from the room to avoid intimacy. Mostly during the day she could ignore the dull ache in her heart but it was as if it was intensified beyond what could be imagined during that act. She couldn't stand putting herself through that mental torment.

That's when the thoughts of Erik started. At first it was thoughts of detest and anger. Thinking that he had invaded her mind and the horrible feelings she was having were his way of paying her back for her thoughtless rejection. Her heart softened eventually and the thoughts took at turn to 'I hope he's ok.' And 'I wonder what he's doing now.' As her thoughts slowly shifted into fantasies and the fantasies turned to hope and want, it was inescapable. There was no escaping the thoughts, the _feelings_. She did everything she could to stop thinking about it when she realized what was happening. When she sang she heard the echo of his voice, so she stopped singing. She saw his face when she dreamed so she hardly slept. No matter what she did though, nothing stooped the echoes of his voice or the shadows of his shape. His presence was intoxicating and couldn't be ignored. Her heart began to ache for her to stop all the pretending.

She had denied her heart for so long. She dreamt of him often and every time she felt more complete than in the last. She knew in her heart that he was what was missing, though he couldn't bring herself to face it. Give up the security and love here, for a future of endless questions? She had fallen in love with a man who was not her husband and now faced the consequences. When she realized the magnitude of Erik's hold on her, she waited a few days and confronted Raoul.

His reaction was easy to predict. At first he displayed a mixture of shock and hurt then it turned swiftly into anger. He wouldn't hurt her of course but the china would never be the same. In the end the only argument that he held to was that he didn't want her hurt. He knew there was a possibility of rejection or that she may not find him. He had pleaded with her for hours. In the end she could not be swayed. Nothing he could say or do would keep her in that house for a moment longer once her resolve was made. She wanted Erik and that was final, but she remembered what Raoul told her.

"_Please if you must go, write me Christine. Please just tell me you are all right. I can't put myself through anymore than that, but I won't live with myself if there is any question of your safety. Well, any less safe than loving a murderer to begin with." _He had mumbled the last sentence as an after thought, though Christine heard it anyway. Christine began to drift off, as her lids grew heavy with exhaustion. She had to leave in the dead of night not to let the neighbors see her leave. It was Raoul's idea though she wondered if he'd thought that a midnight escape would just cause more gossip. The thought brought a tiny smile as she settled into the soft cushions. The tiny carriage sped though the streets as her dreams took flight.

_Floating…Why am I floating? Where am I? I can not see the ground or sky it's all to hazy…Where am I?!_

_The thoughts ran rampant through her head as she attempted to run out of her daze. She soon realized she was in the clouds and began to look around, as if searching for something familiar, something to ground her to reality. _

_As she floated along she came across a large dark cloud and a smaller light gray one. She could see the other side through the gray cloud but the black abyss beside it…She could see nothing but darkness. The gray cloud although much less menacing and much more approachable did not give her the same level of undeniable curiosity that the large black one did. She could tell where the gray cloud ended but she thought that the only way to get to the right road was to go through the black cloud. That darkness called to the more curious and adventurous side to Christine. She followed her heart and went through the cloud. Everything around her was black with a single point of light. That light brought upon a new hope, glorious and fresh. A calm and gentle voice glided through the mist._

"_Christine…"_

The gentle voice of the cab driver brought her back to reality, however much she tried to stay away. "Miss Daae, we've arrived." He glanced back at her. His voice had been severe and his expression hardened compared to the melodic sound his voice usually carried. The same man drove her to her new house after her honeymoon. A shiver ran up her spine at the thought of the huge differences the two rides held though both serving the same purpose: to end one part of life and begin a new one. Their gazes met only for a moment but that was enough. She caught a glimpse of what lay there, genuine fear and sadness for her.

"Good evening." Was Christine's simple reply as she exited the carriage. She looked back at him over her shoulder. "And thank you, for everything." She said with sincerity. He merely nodded and handed her luggage. He left her there in the cold moonlight with only the sharp sounds of the horse's huffs on the stone of the road to be heard. Dark and cold, hopefully that did not reflect her future.

Christine looked up at the magnificent Opera Populair that was her home for so long. She sighed blissfully at the memories. Her small hands, quivering partly from the excitement and partly from the cold, grasped the large handle on the door. She remembered everything so vividly. She could almost hear the music filling the room as chorus girls circled and danced in beautiful patterns.

She headed straight for her room. She looked around at the dead plants and flowers. The ribbons, sheets, curtains, all burned in the fire. Her heart hurt to see the destruction but more than that, it fueled her resolve to see Erik. She went through the mirror and into the catacombs, brushing the cobwebs out of her face. It was almost to dark to see but a single torch had been lit in the hall and that was enough light to propel her through. She climbed into the boat at the end of the maze and gently rowed to shore. She looked up when she landed to find herself starring into the back of a man sitting at the piano, a sad lullaby making it's way to her ears.

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**A/N: So that's the end of chapter one. Please tell me if you like it or not. Every harsh thing you can think of is welcomed with open arms, as long as it is for constructive purposes. Don't be afraid to be completely honest!**


	2. Once Lost

_The Phantom of the Opera_

**Title:** Backward Glances

**Chapter**: Two "Once lost…"

* * *

"Erik!" the melodic voice wafted through the chamber to his ears as he continued to play. He looked as though he would completely ignore her presence. She could not know what direction his thoughts had actually taken.

'_That voice…'_

'_That hated voice, which comes only to taunt me. Yet the same voice I search through my memories to find, longing to hear the sweet melody one last time. But My dear Christine it is not you! Merely a vision, a dream, Come to haunt my every waking moment! I can almost feel the wretched gaze upon my back. This pure torture, for I know the truth: that my mind has been deluded into thinking I may once again hear her soft, sweet voice. When did I let my heart hope for such?'_

"Erik!" The voice broke through his thoughts. As she was continually ignored, the fears had quieted began to resurface. 'What was I thinking coming here? Does he hate me still for what I've done? Why will he not respond to me? Oh God please help me…' Christine slowly made her way towards the piano. "Erik please… listen to me!" Erik jumped from the piano in alarm, fear contorting the visible side of his face.

"_No!_" The syllable was almost a whisper but that whisper alone held all of the pain his fragile heart bore. This couldn't be happening to him…not this time. Christine didn't seem to pay his outburst any mind as she scaled the steps and flung herself into his arms.

"Oh, Erik." She snuggled close to his chest, relishing in the warmth there.

"Christine? I…" He couldn't begin to fathom what he was trying to say. Every word he thought of was caught in his throat. He finally regained his composure after a few moments. "What are you doing here Christine?" She looked up at him with what he could have sworn were tears in her eyes.

"I left him Erik!" She had a slight smile on her face, mingling with fear and many other emotions. "I could never be with a man who wasn't you." Erik untangled himself from her and took a few cautious steps back. Again that same syllable was repeated.

"_No…" _

Christine was reduced to sobs in a matter of moments. There were many emotions playing on her beautiful face: fear, hurt, sadness, and anger. He couldn't wrap his mind around why Christine would be so upset. What had he done to make her so upset? He was acting in self-preservation. There was nothing he wanted more than to hear that she loved him and take her in his arms, but his heart could only take so much. "I knew I would be to late! I knew that no matter what I did you would not love me as I love you! Tell me Erik, have I really hurt you beyond repair? Could you not find it in you heart to give me a chance to prove my love?" Erik stood there in front of Christine, completely floored. He could not conjure any words that explained… no coherent thought in his mind did it justice.

"Christine. Christine you don't know what you're saying. " He shook his head lightly looking frightened. "This is wrong! You are a creature of the light. I will not condemn you to a world of darkness."

"It would never be dark with you there." Was her reply. Simple but the words held power and shook with her anguish. "I love you Erik. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Please Christine, please don't say such nonsense!" he had been crushed, his heart broken beyond repair, yet he was in grave danger of hoping. If she continued then he might have been forced to give into hope and let his angle back into his life. Though she would more than likely be gone by morning.

"I will prove it!" Christine wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling his face close to hers and moving to stand on her toes. Shock and a sense of self-preservation rocketed through Erik's body.

"Enough Christine!" he cried out pushing her away. "Even if you have completely convinced yourself that you feel this way, I will not be fooled!" He waved his as if to dismiss her. "Go home Christine. You don't belong here." Christine collapsed into sobs on the floor muttering something almost inaudible. He did not expect the force of her emotions to be so great. "C-Christine?" '_You just made the Phantom of the Opera stutter. Don't you know the power you have over me?' _Through the sobs wracking her body, she stood and turned from him. She ran with all the energy she had left. She ran straight to her old room, her sanctuary.

Erik, who had followed her, stopped at the sight before him. Christine lie on the floor clutching her hands to her chest muttering fragments of sentences and shuddering sobs. He caught a bit of what she was saying after a while.

"Why?! Why did this happen?!." She curled into a tight ball as she scrubbed the now angry tears away. "I left my _perfect_ life" she spat the word perfect as if it were a horrid curse word. "for the man I love and now…" Sobs over took her for a moment. "I hate this! I hate myself for loving him! I hate myself for leaving him to begin with! I'll have to live on the streets! Why when I finally do what is right and return to the man I love I am punished so horribly?!" She shuddered but relaxed a small amount and let out a sigh. "I'm so sorry."

Erik sat himself outside her bedroom door in order to give her some privacy. He had come through the tunnel but at the sight of her so utterly destroyed he thought she need some time to herself. He sat down with his back to the hall, his face pointed forward towards her door. He didn't know why he waited there. She will more than likely be gone to her Viscompte in the morning anyway, he thought bitterly. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there when sleep finally overtook him.

* * *

Erik woke with a start. His heart beat faster than normal and his breathing was shallow. He thought he had gotten past having these childish nightmares, but apparently not. He shifted his position to look through the mirror. She was gone. Sorrow washed over him. He knew better but a part of him had hoped that by some miracle she would be there when he opened his eyes. He then decided it was time to leave. He had come to the opera house that night only to gather a few of his old belongings. As he walked to his old home thought overtook him.

'_Why? Why? What on earth possessed her to say those things? There hasn't been a moment when I didn't think about her . How much I lover her and want her to be mine but I can't help but wonder why she would say something like that. Could she really have the capacity to love a monster such as myself? Could I redeem myself and prove that my soul was not the distorted void she once thought it was?'_

His thoughts were interrupted when he reached the door to his bedroom. A pile of fabric lay crumpled at the entrance. It moved. Surly it must not be a pile of fabric. Erik kneeled down in front of Christine, his large hand reaching to cup her angelic face.

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**A/N: I would like to thank my ONE reviewer, Rakuria-Arashi. I tried to portray the characters in a way that was positive as well as realistic… for the most part. ^_^ Siiiigh. Well I hope that as the plot unfolds I get some more people who would like to give me their impute. I can't better if I don't know what's wrong!**

**I need a beta reader desperately! If you want to pleeeeeeeeease email me or just send me a review! Thanks!**


	3. Onward and Upward

**A/N: I just wanted to, first, thank my loyal reviews for the encouragement to keep up this story; and secondly, apologies for my updates being ****far ****overdue. ****With out further adieu, chapter three!**

_Phantom of the Opera_

**Title: **Backward Glances

**Chapter 3:** "Onward and Upward"

Christine woke from what had to be the best night of sleep she ever had. Her arms stretched far above her head as her knuckles brushed against something cold. She came to her senses. Christine sat up in bed and roughly pulled the blanket from her legs. _Where am I? _The events of the previous night came flooding back to her with a torrent of emotions. The old feelings clogged her throat and tears came to her eyes. As she sat, wallowing in self-pity, she did not realize she was not in her bed and that this bed's usual occupant was impatiently staring at her from the doorway.

She was, indeed, a sight. Christine was beautiful, even when she looked painfully vulnerable. Her shoulders were slumped, and her face was contorted as if someone had just punched her in the stomach. He cleared his throat, trying to make his presence known. Her head shot up, and her eyes filled with what looked like horror. His heart sank to his stomach. The wind was knocked out of him in that one glance. _Oh Christine…_"Erik...?" Her voice cracked as she left the sentence hang, as if it was a plea.

"Did you think I would leave you on the streets Christine? Have I not shown I at least have more honor than that?" He almost finished with _I love you_. He knew that his feelings for her were far more than what he was letting on but he knew he could not let her know. Since he had much time to think over his actions last night, he was less set against having anything to do with Christine but still was hesitant to let his revelations be known. Christine would require more time to adjust. "You have only a few minutes. Get dressed!" With a flourish of his hand he had backed out of the room and closed the door, leaving a confused Christine behind. She came out dressed in one of the only dresses she had brought, a very simple, pale blue ensemble, that went with her complexion nicely.

"You look nice Christine." Erik announced as she exited the bedchamber. He hoped that the waver in his voice was not obvious.

She smiled. "Thank you Erik. I have to ask: where are we going?" She looked up at him.

A devious smile flashed over his features. "That, Christine, is a secret!"

* * *

Christine had managed to pout for far longer than what Erik had previously thought possible. The object of his affection currently pretended to be enraptured with the scenery but he knew better. She was still mad at him for not telling her where they were going. He smiled as he watched her sigh in contempt. He couldn't resist teasing her. It would take two days to get to their destination and they already were nearing where they would stop for the day. Christine turned towards Erik, and prepared to ask him again where they were going.

"Erik..?" She started but he knew her question before she opened her mouth.

"All in good time, Christine. Patience is a virtue." He gave her a reassuring smile and she turned back to the window. Less than an hour had passed and the carriage came to a stop and Christine looked as if she was ready to bolt from her seat. Erik opened the door and climbed out, offering his hand to Christine.

Christine exited the carriage and attempted to take in all of the scenery around her. It was beautiful. There was a small cottage in front of her. At the edge of the road there was a pond surrounded by lush bushes and bright flowers. The cottage was small and charming. She smiled up at Erik. Could this be a house for them to share? Her breath caught in her throat!

"We are only half through our journey, Christine. This is a summer home of an old friend. He said we could use it to stay the night. I didn't want you to have to travel overnight and I am sure the horses also appreciate the stop." He smiled and offered his arm and she took it. He led her up the path as the carriage driver **(A/N anyone know what you would call this person?? I have no idea. T-T) **dragged her trunk behind him. Erik opened the front door and led her inside. It was decorated modestly and was just as charming as the exterior. It was simple and beautiful. Erik took her on a tour of the house, showing her all its features. Though it looked like a simple cottage, it was diffidently up to the standards of technology of the age and had all the trimmings. Once Erik finished his tour he led Christine towards the bedroom. The small room took her breath away. In the center of the room was a beautiful four poster canopy bed. This room felt like an escape to where ever one would want to go.

"Do you like it Christine?" Erik asked this question as she wandered around the room, looking out the window and moving to look out the window.

"Oh Erik, how could I not? This cottage is breathtaking!" She beamed up at him. James, the driver, came in at that moment with Christine's things. She looked at him with a strange look. "Where are your things Erik?" Was he thinking of not staying in the room with her?

"Wha-?" Was she implying..? He blushed lightly at her question. He of course would have rather stay the night with his angel but for propriety's sake he would not. "I will be staying in the guest bedroom at the other end of the hall, Christine. I won't be far." She looked disappointed by this and replied with an 'oh.' He gently grasped her arm reassuringly. "I will meet you for dinner in an hour? Is that alright?"

"I will see you then Erik."

* * *

"Erik?"

Christine came from her room and into the dinning room exactly sixty minutes later. The house was quiet, save for her shoes against the floors and no lights were on. She took a candle she had lit and went in search of her beloved.

What she saw when she turned the corner stunned her into silence.

The dinning room was bathed in candlelight. Erik was standing with his back to her and was still in the process of lighting was looked like a dozen candles. The table was set for two and it seemed Erik had pulled all the stops. Fine china and candles, how romantic! She came up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder gently. Erik jumped back, his eyes wide.

"Christine, you startled me." She smiled and he relaxed visibly. He was relieved. _So far, so good. She _seems_ happy. _"Dinner is almost done. Please sit down." Erik proceeded to pull out her chair and she sat down, the smile never faltering. Erik stepped into the kitchen and brought back their dinner. She was quite surprised he could cook and was happy to find that he was good. He certainly was a man of many layers. They chatted quietly for a while about trivial things: composers who were on the rise, new plays and operas, music. They fell back into the teacher-student friendship that they once had. Once dinner was finished they took a walk around the pond, most of the time in silence.

"I have to confess to you Erik." Christine spoke up suddenly. Erik's heart thundered in his chest. "I did not expect you to be so well versed in the workings of the outside world. I assumed you spent all your time cooped up and never thought of life outside the opera house."

"Ha! I did spend the majority of my time under that opera house but when I reached my late teens I did travel frequently. People in other countries, I found, were not as frightened of my disfigurement as the ones I was accustomed to. I understand why you would think I had no life though." He chuckled lightly. She had not seen this side of him in so long. Not since before Raoul had returned to her life. It did him so much good to laugh like he did. It made her love him that much more. Before either of them realized it, they had reached the house. It had gotten late without them noticing.

"Well I suppose this is goodnight Erik." Christine said quietly as they reached her door.

"Yes. I will see you in the morning." Erik leaned forward and Christine tilted her face toward his. "Goodnight, Christine." He pulled away and went to his own room. She brought her fingers to her lips.

Oh, how she wished they had touched his!

* * *

**A/N: End of chapter three. Okay so I made up the bit about him traveling. I think I remember in the book that he was the one who built the opera house and didn't come there as a child and that he had worked in other countries. I read the book in class (my teachers where not happy)so I may not have caught everything or I maybe remembering wrong. I don't know. --; Basically, I'm going with the movie, where he came to the opera house as a child, but I added that he traveled around and did odd jobs from when he was about 15-25ish. His age in this story is about 35 and hers is 17. I wanted him to be just about old enough to be her dad, but not to be an 'old man'. haha! I know the ages and minor details will be different from the movie and book, but I am just changing things to fit my story.**

**Did I confuse everyone? I'm kind of confused. Haha! Well, in closing, feel free to review. I would prefer not to hear anything about my accuracy compared the books or movies. This is going to be fairly AU. **

**Thank you so much for reading!**


	4. Forward Progress

_Phantom of the Opera_

**Title: **_Backward Glances_

**Chapter 3:** "Forward Progress"

**A/N: Hello all! I am so very sorry for the **_**extremely**_** overdue update! I am in college now and I am studying to be a Chemical Engineer. It is a bit more stressful than I original though. lol Also, I lost my journal which held my chapter layouts. I have been so lost without it, but I finally just dove in and continued on without it. Well, wish me luck and here is the next installment! **

* * *

She was snuggled deep into the comforter of her bed. It almost covered the top of her head but she had a hole just large enough for her to breathe comfortably. Suddenly her eyes scrunched shut and she covered her face with her hands. Grunts and moans could be heard, but no words seemed to form from her incoherent babble. She suddenly tossed the covers from her face and screeched:

"EEERIIIIIK!!" The horrible whine echoed through the house, but that did not hinder the evil genius from his master plan. He chuckled darkly and moved the curtains back into their original spot, casting the room into darkness once more. She let out a content sigh. "It is too early to be conscious!" He laughed heartily at her antics.

"Christine, you need to get out of bed. We must leave soon!" He sat on the side of her bed, his hand reaching down to move a strand of hair from her face. His kind spirit showed on days like this. She loved it when he could show his real emotions to her, to open up and for once let her in. It made her want to cry. This wonderful, playful, man, was the man she loved. This was who her _angel of music_ was. Her protector. When she did not respond, he decided to take drastic measures.

"AAAAAAH!!" Erik had hoisted her up and slung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes! "Put me down! Erik!! Please!" He laughed as they neared the washroom. He tossed her onto the floor and left with a 'you had better hurry' look. Christine stood and realized that her clothes and everything she would need to get ready was already there. Leave it to her Erik to be prepared for anything. She finished getting dressed and hurried down the hall to the dining room. Erik was ready and sitting patiently for her.

"Finished already? I thought our trip would be delayed at least a few hours!" His smile told her he was teasing her, but she 'hmped' indignantly.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Let's get going!" He offered his arm and they walked to the carriage.

"Where are we headed next Erik?"

"You should know better than to ask that question, my dear." Christine blushed at the endearment.

After what seemed to be hours of riding through the country side, the carriage stopped. Christine lurched forward at this stop and landed right into Erik's arms. After things settled, she took a breath and looked up into Erik's face. He was bright red! When she looked down and realized the position they were in, she too colored and moved back to her seat. He cleared his throat. "I believe we have arrived." She jumped from the carriage faster than he could get to the door. She then stretched her arms above her head and twirled around. Oh how she had longed to get out of such a confined space! The fresh air was a welcome change for both. She began to stretch out her stiff limbs and scrutinize her surroundings.

Erik smiled to himself as he watched her. She acted like a child during long rides and it reminded him that she was still so young. That thought brought him joy that she had so much more to experience but pain at the thought of how far apart their ages were. He could remember simpler, easier, times for the both of them. But, surprisingly enough, not happier ones. "Race you to the door!" She said smiling as she took off into a run. The house before them was not but a few yards away. It held the charm of Parisian splendor with the simplicity of a country cottage house. It was a different sight to see, indeed. It was simple in its architecture, but complex in its ornaments and details. Though it was fairly small compared to what she was accustomed to, he hoped it would be to her liking. He hopped that by her reaction in wanting to run to it, that he had built a proper house for her needs. Considering he had never expected, even in his wildest fantasies, that she would come to live there with him, he had not built the house to accommodate what a woman would need. He hoped that these things would not deter her. She looked back at him, smiling and laughing. He pressed forward and came in a close second to the door. He stopped himself from ramming into the door by putting his hand above Christine's head. Breathing hard, he looked down at her. She was flushed from the run in the cool air and she was breathing hard. He felt a blush creep to his cheeks. Never more than now had he wanted to kiss her. He leaned forward, lifting a hand to her cheek. She leaned in towards him aswell, her eyes drifting closed. He lost his nerve at the last minute. He backed away and cleared his throat. "Well, this is the house Christine. Let me show you around." She looked disappointed for a moment before letting a small smile brighten her features.

Erik took her hand and led her through the door. She let the fake smile fall as he turned from her. She couldn't focus on what he was saying about why he built the house this way and all the other details. All she could think about was how close they had been. Millimeters! That's how close it was! She wished so desperately that he would get over this self-conscious, self-loathing, nonsense. It was quite tiresome after a while. She was here wasn't she? What else did she need to say or do to prove to him that he was the only one for her? That she was here to stay? She loved him more than any clichéd words stringed together could possibly describe. The words were not so much the problem, it was the actions. She could not be forward enough for him to understand. It wasn't as if she could literally throw herself at him yelling "I love you, you imbecile!" Firstly, because he was not an imbecile. Secondly, because _ladies_ don't throw themselves at men. She sighed, perking up and putting the smile back on her face the instant he turned to her. "What do you think Christine?" She was lost for a moment. What did she think of what? His ability to completely frustrate her? That much was obvious, she- oh, wait, the house. He was talking about the house. She looked around franticly. What to say, what to say.

"It's lovely, Erik." She smiled brightly, hoping he didn't notice her strange pause and realize her lack of concentration. He smiled, obviously pleased. She let out a breath.

"Would you like to see your room now? You'll have to forgive me for not having perfect yet, considering my lack of time to prepare." All she could do was smile and move forward as he lead her by the hand. He pushed the door open and let her through. "What do you think?" Her simple reply made him inexplicably happy.

"It's beautiful."

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She spun around in her new dress, admiring it in the full-length mirror. She was still in a daze. A wonderful, blissful, daze. Erik had the room stocked with everything a girl could want. The luxurious canopy was the first thing she saw, and of course, that was amazing, but what really made her ridiculously happy, was all of the dresses! There were so many! She could hardly contain her excitement. She wanted to just stay in her room, trying all of the wonderful dresses on, but she knew Erik was waiting for her. She gave her reflection one more once-over and headed out the door. Erik was waiting for her. He was reading something, the masked side of his face towards her. He looked so beautiful. She knew that beautiful was not a term one used referring to men but that was the first word that came to mind. He was glowing, bright and beautiful. She coughed slightly to alert him to her presence. He looked up and smiled.

"Ready so soon Christine?" He was about to continue teasing her about the time it took for her to get ready, but she shot him a look that clearly said 'don't even think about it.' He closed his mouth and offered his arm. They walked out through the front door, towards the carriage.

"You look very handsome tonight Erik." Christine told him, after they had gotten settled in the carriage. If she hadn't known better, she could have sworn she saw him blush.

"You look much better than I, my dear." He then picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. She could feel her heart beat loudly and hoped he couldn't hear it too.

"Thank you Erik. Please tell me, where _are_ we going for dinner this evening?" She smiled, assuming he would once again tell her it was some grad secret.

"We are going to a small restaurant in town. I know the owner and we will get excellent seats." He smiled as if he was the cleverest man in the world. She wondered what that would mean.

They arrived soon after. A stout man in a dark, grey coat was standing at the door. He had graying hair and looked at his watch every few seconds. We made our way to him as he spotted us. "Erik!" His voice was a little raspy but he had much warmth. I knew immediately that he was a kind person. He smiled, greeting Erik. He made a slight bow and Erik likewise. "And who is this _charming_ young lady?" Erik made to introduce her as she interrupted him, afraid of what distinction he would give her.

"I'm Christine. Erik is my music teacher. Very pleased to meet you." She smiled brightly and he returned the gesture.

"Pleasure to meet you too Christine. I am Stephan" He kissed her hand. "Well child, as long as I have known Erik, I have never known him to teach. He is much too impatient!" He chuckled and Erik gave him an amused yet annoyed look. Lowering his voice, he said to her, "You must be a very _special _student to get him as a teacher!" Giving her a wink, he turned back to Erik. "Well, my friend, shall I show you both to your table?" She smiled and Erik motioned for him to lead the way. Erik bent toward her and spoke in a whisper.

"Pardon my friend. He is losing his mind with his old age." He smiled at her.

"My mind perhaps but not my hearing! Don't you fill that young lady's head with lies about me, for I have much to tell about you!" Erik just gave him and a shook his head. Stephan lead them through the back of the restaurant. They stopped at a small table in a back room, secluded from the rest of the people. She now understood why Erik was so pleased with himself. He could go out into public without many people seeing him. If it wasn't enough that this place was rather empty to begin with, she could see no one else from their table. She sighed. Perhaps it would take more time to get Erik over the fact that, yes people would stare at his mask, but that was ok. She didn't care.

"Well my dear?" He had taken to calling her that. Apparently that was her new pet name. She held in the urge to giggle. He was still waiting for answer.

"Oh, it's perfect. It's quaint and very cute. I like it. Thank you for bringing me here, Erik." She gave him a bright smile. They ordered and again started to talk about the usual topics. They always seemed to avoid hurtful ones. Erik had apparently decide it was time to talk about some things though.

"Christine, I must ask you something. It has been bothering me for awhile. You don't have to answer." He grasped her hand tightly, running his thumb over her the back of her hand.

"Go ahead. I will try to answer." She gave him a small, encouraging smile.

"I feel I must know Christine." He paused and let out a breath. "Was Raoul…." He looked as though he thought about stopping but then pressed forward. "Did Raoul abuse you? Is that why you left him?" Christine wanted to laugh. She expected a much harder question than this.

"Of course not Erik. He was as a good a husband as he knew how to be. I already told you why I left." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, hoping he would understand.

"I'm sorry to ask you difficult questions, Christine. I just…. I needed to know. I didn't know how I would be able to handle it if I knew he had hurt you." She moved closer to him, leaning her head against his chest.

"You have nothing to worry about on that front Erik." He rested his head on top of hers, still clutching her hand.

"Would you like to leave now Christine?" He asked her.

"If that is what you would like." They left the restaurant. Stephan insisting they had to come down at least once a week to see him. He persisted to tell them both that he had rarely any company and their presence was a breath of fresh air. They both assured him they would come to visit. The ride back to the house seemed much shorter than before. They rode in comfortable silence, still holding hands. They finally arrived at the house and Erik helped Christine get out of the carriage.

"I had a wonderful time Erik." She said, breaking the silence as they neared the door. They entered and Erik responded.

"So did I. It was a much needed outing" They stopped in front of her door, and he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes as he leaned forward, despretly hoping for what she wanted. He turned at the last moment and placed a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth. Her skin burned. He hoped she felt the words he wanted to say in his action. He hoped that she understood what it was he was trying to say. "Good night Christine."

"Good night." He turned and walked towards his own room, closing the door behind him. "I love you." She whispered as she closed her own door. She knew what direction her dreams would take tonight.

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**A/N Although, in perspective, this is not that long of a chapter, I feel like it would **_**never**_** end. **

**Well, now it is midnight. Please excuse any mistakes in my spelling, grammar, ect. I am horribly tired and I know I must have missed some things. Also, as my exhaustion increases, so do my commas. Has anyone else noticed this? I have. lol**

**Also, on another note, if I asked you about being my beta reader, please email me at .edu. I don't remember if I talked to anyone about it or not. --; I know it's horrible! *laughs nervously* If you would like to be my beta and I haven't talked to you before, also feel free to email me. **

**Thank you for reading and a big thanks to those who have reviewed! Reviews are what gives me that extra push to keep going! **


	5. Moments

_The Phantom of the Opera_

**Title:** Backward Glances

**Chapter Five: **"Moments"

**A/N: Thank you so much to all of my lovely reviewers! You are so wonderful! I feel so warm and fuzzy. (: I am so sorry that I still am very bad about updating. Perhaps someday I will lose my horrendous procrastination habits. It just occurred to me that I may or may not have ever mentioned his mask so far…. Have I? I don't know.**

**So, concerning his looks: I have chosen that he looks similar to the Gerard Butler Erik (people refer to this as Gerik? PFFT! ), but with more defined features and significantly more scaring (and a better singing voice?). But, he wears the mask and it covers everything on one side. I will try to mention it this chapter. ;)**

**Enjoy!**

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Christine had taken to getting up earlier. She wasn't a morning person by any means but her body woke her at the strangest of hours. She breathed in deeply the morning air as she walked leisurely around the shore of the small pond behind the house. She basked in the privacy and space of her morning walks. Erik was wonderful and she loved him dearly but he had been smothering her lately. He was always acting as if she was made of glass, sure to shatter at any time. It had been weeks since the last time they had left the property and it was slowly eating at her. Still this had to be enough.

_Speak of the devil. _She sighed and looked towards the back door, where Erik had come through… loudly. The door slammed against the side of the house and she winced.

"Christine? Where-" he cut off his sentence as his eyes reached her. He took off in what could be described as being between a jog and a brisk walk. "Christine! Why are you up so early?" The look of concern on his face melted her aggravation, for the most part. "I know you hate to be out of bed before midday. Are you alright?" A small smile graced his features and she knew he was teasing her. She sighed again. "Christine?" She wanted to tell him she needed her space. This would have to be the right time.

"Erik," she started cautiously, not to offend, "you know how much I enjoy our time together don't you?" She began this way, hoping to ease into the part about him needing to _back off. _

Of course dear Erik's thoughts did not take this turn. He was quite prone to jumping to the worst possible conclusions. He hung his head. _I knew this day would come! I knew she could not be happy here, with me, forever. How could I have let myself fall into this hope? I knew better! …_

As his self-loathing tirade wore on, Christine began speaking again. "Erik, please do not take this the wrong way…" She could not get the rest of the thought out before Erik let out a scoff. She gave him a confused look.

"What other way could I take it? I knew this day would come! I knew that you would not stay here for long." His eyes glazed with pain as he continued. "I-I knew not to hope that I could make you happy. Forgive me." He turned and made his way back to the house. Christine froze in shock for a moment before speaking.

She jumped forward and grabbed the back of the jacket he was wearing. She tripped a little and he, being the gentlemen he was, turned to steady her. She looked up at him in confusion and worry. "Erik…" He tried to let her go but she held fast, so he settled for turning his face away and casting his eyes down. "What on earth made you think that I would ever want to leave?" His head snapped forward, confusion etching his features. "I want nothing more than to stay. I love it here!" He was really confused now. His negatively wired mind could not grasp that this young woman would enjoy his company, much less 'love it' there. She reached up to place her hand securely and soothingly on his masked cheek. To her surprise, he pulled back some but didn't not completely retreat. "Please. Trust me." She leaned forward and placed a lingering, soft kiss to his other cheek. He shuddered. "Please understand, I am far more than content here. I enjoy every moment, but sometimes I need some time for myself. I just need a little breathing room. I'm not made of glass, Erik. I'm not going to shatter the moment you leave the room." She gave him a reassuring smile.

At this point, what could be seen of Erik's face was a lovely shade of red. It was in his nature to jump to the worst possible conclusion every time, and every once in a very long while he would be wrong. He cleared his throat. "Christine, I'm…." She cut him off before he could respond.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going anywhere. Maybe someday you'll be able to trust me completely?" she said as she played with the seam of his shirt.

"I already trust you." He took her hands in his. "At the same time, you are a beautiful, young woman. You are missing out on so much staying here. I just don't want you to stay here and resent me later." His eyes were filled with pain with every word. She knew she would have to work every day to make him understand. She could never resent him for the same reason she couldn't leave him. She _loved_ him. So much. She looked up into his eyes.

"I could never resent you. You know I love you." She smiled through the tears threatening to fall.

"Christine…" He started, but he couldn't find the words. The old excuses and doubts would no longer come to his lips. In his heart, he knew she loved him. Now, he wondered if he could ever tell her he returned that beautiful gift. Instead of saying another word, he lifted her hands to his lips, kissing each fingertip, and each palm, trying to tell her everything he could not say in words. In silence, they walked back to the house.

Months had passed. Blissful moments, along with heated arguments and numerous tears had come and gone. They had grown closer and found that they had truly known so little of each other. They took their time, and slowly built the trust and friendship they so desperately needed, though both wanting so much more. They had not moved past the chaste kisses on hands and cheeks, though. The passion they carried for one another was obvious, but they didn't know how to make that transition in their relationship. The comfort for friendship was no longer enough, and it came to a head one night as they sat comfortably by the fire.

Christine sat near the beautiful fireplace, Erik lying on the floor with his head in her lap. She was reading out Shakespeare's Sonnets, one hundred and sixteen in particular. "… Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved," she finished with a sigh. What a wonderful way of writing. This sonnet would always be her favorite for so many reasons. This moment between she and Erik would only add to them. "Erik?" she asked. He hummed a response. "How long have we been here?" she asked combing her fingers through his hair. He opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Honestly, I haven't kept track. Why?" he asked curiously.

"No reason. It seems as though we've been here an eternity yet no time at all. Does that make any sense?" She continued to play with his hair as he gazed up towards her. She smiled at him lovingly.

"I understand. It feels as though we have had forever, yet no time at all. So much has happened, but so much still lies ahead." He blushed thinking of what he wanted for them, where he wanted this to lead. She smiled wistfully. She was unsure how to do this. She wanted their relationship to progress farther, but she feared he would not want to be more than they were or not think her sincere.

"Erik…" she trailed off, not knowing what to say. He had closed his eyes again, feeling her fingers massaging his scalp. He had a small content smile on his face. In that blissful moment, she decided to make her move. She leaned down gently and slowly, lifting her had to cup his face. She began to stroke his unmasked cheek as she leaned closer, a few inches from his face. She slowly closed the gap and brought her lips to meet his. Erik let out a small gasp and his eyes flew open. She noticed his alarm and started to pull away. On instinct, Erik brought his hand to the back of Christine's head, bringing her lips back to his and kissing her soundly. '_oh my.'_ She had not been expecting him to be so… skilled. His lips moved slowly and sensually against her own, tasting her and showing her everything he felt when the words would not come. As her lips parted in bliss, he probed between them with his tongue, tasting all that she was. As they kissed, she began to change her position to lie beside him on the floor. They did not break the kiss. One hand stayed securely behind her head as Erik's other hand went down to pull her hips against his own. She let out a small moan. He broke away slowly, placing light kisses against her lips and cheeks before trailing down to her neck. Her breathing picked up as she let out another moan.

"Christine…" he started, looking back up at her, "I…." he couldn't finish the statement. Christine smiled at him, through her panting and placed a finger to his lips.

"It's fine love. You don't need to say anything." She snuggled into his chest, right below his chin and wrapped her arms around him. He smoothed his hand over her hair and sighed contently. He didn't want to push things with Christine and didn't want things to go to fast between them. He wanted to do this right.

"My dear, I believe it is time for the both us to get some rest." He smiled at her. She yawned and began to sit up. He helped her up and walked her to her room. "Christine. Sleep well" he lifted her hand and kissed it.

"You as well, love," she said with a blissful smile. She turned to open her door when Erik's hand came forward to lift her chin. She turned back to find him a breath away. He closed the gap, kissing her thoroughly. They stood that way for several moments before breaking apart, both panting.

"Good night Christine." He said as he walked back to his room. Oh, it would be a good night that was sure. It would also be a night filled with dreams of him and this beautiful time they had shared.

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**A/N:**

**Well, they seem to finally be progressing forward physically. Just to warn you all, the next chapter WILL allow this story to live up to the 'M' rating, if you catch my drift. ;) Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! **

**-Meg**


	6. AN

I know that anyone who is actually reading this story was expecting the final chapter and lemon to be here. Unfortunately, I don't think I can write this anymore. When I started this story, I can a clear plan and knew exactly where I wanted things to go. Now, almost a year and a half later, I don't know where I intended to go or how to get there. Because of school and family turmoil, I wasn't able to update this story as planned and because of that, I think this story has died, or at least my will to write it has. I don't feel that I can continue to write something for you that I have no passion for. Perhaps it will come back to me some day. This being said, this story is complete, and I don't foresee myself ever coming back to it. I'm sorry that it ended the way it did.

Thank you for your reviews and support,

Meg


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